Delaney Family Legacy – Indefinite Hiatus

cshaneraviI am loathe to do this and I’ve thought about it for nearly 3 weeks straight.  However, I’ve lost the will to play my legacy since my hard drive failed about a month ago now.  I had to cheat everything back up for my family, Olivia doesn’t look the same which means the kids don’t look quite the same anymore.  Ugh…it’s just so hard to write and get in the head space for these characters.  I also cannot stand cheating in a challenge even though I know that the ‘legacy police’ aren’t going to come and most people would completely understand the cheating to get the family back where they were.  But so many things just feel wrong now about this family and I find it very hard to write for them.

Perhaps I’ll get back in the head space for them, or perhaps I’ll move on to new and interesting other challenges.  But for now, the Delaney Family is on Indefinite Hiatus.  I’m sorry to abandon them, but perhaps in the future I’ll write another Legacy and have some of the plot points that I had planned for this family.

Thank you for those who read.  Special thanks to RosemaryMarie as she was the one person who read every chapter and commented so thoughtfully!  Thank you all so much.

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G02: 14 – Lessons Learned

A lot has happened over this past year since I left the New Life Clinic.  I continued with my monthly therapy sessions with Dr. Conrin of course.  She said it was important for me to have that in depth discussion at least monthly with her.

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I also continued going to group therapy once per week.  I went even more often in the beginning if I felt I needed the support.  It’s been really interesting to see people that are in the same position I was and be able to talk to them about what they are going through.

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I can offer suggestions too and just reinforce the good habits that the clinic tries to give us.  I usually try to pop over at least once a month now for group sessions.  Dr. Conrin said she could always use an extra pair of hands around there even if I’m not a trained therapist.  I can be like a ‘big sister’ to some of the teens she said.  I told her I would consider her offer.

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I’ve been seeing Marcus pretty regularly too.  He and I started dating not long after I left the clinic.  Uncle Dean loves him.  They are both into sports and cars and all that stuff.

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Sometimes I tease Marcus that he likes me more for my family. He usually makes me stop thinking that pretty quickly.

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Oh, speaking of family, here’s something very interesting!  Mom asked me if I wanted Aunt Zoe to come to my birthday party.  Eighteen you know, it’s a big one!  I said sure, because honestly as angry as I was for a long time, I realize that Zoe really did save my life.

I have gotten so much closer with her over these past several months than I ever was before this process.  She used to have ‘girl’s spa’ days with me and Mom all the time when I was younger, but then we drifted apart during my teen years for obvious reasons.  She’s almost like an older sister to me now and I’m very grateful for having her in my life.

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So anyway, the really interesting part is that while at my party, I saw Uncle Dean and Zoe looking at each other like a lot.  Sure enough, they got back together after almost eighteen years apart!  They are going to get married in a few months.  Mom is beside herself with glee as she won’t have to worry about the awkward anymore between Uncle Dean, Aunt Zoe and Dad.

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It’s been a tough juggling act for Mom over these years for her best friend and brother in law to be at odds.  I heard Dad telling Mom that Uncle Dean said he really saw who Zoe was through this process with my in patient time.  It made him realize how wrong he’d been.  I’m so glad they reconciled.  Uncle Dean dated here and there throughout the years, but never anyone serious.  Part of me wonders if he was waiting for Zoe.

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Caleb’s still seeing Beau.  I cannot imagine what they really have in common honestly but she’s one of my best friends and overall he’s not terrible as brothers go.

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It seems to me most of what they have in common revolves around having their hands on each other.

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Haha, sorta weird for my best friend to be dating my brother, but I guess they are happy.

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I always sorta thought Caleb and Teagan would date.  Perhaps they just weren’t as interested in each other as I’d always thought.

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Since graduating high school, I had a pretty big decision to make about what I was going to do with my career.  I had taken those cooking and nutrition classes that Dr. Conrin signed me up for after I left the clinic.  Anyway, we had a tasting at the end of term.  All the big chef’s from the restaurants in the area, Oasis Springs, NewCrest and Willow Creek were all there.

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We all made our specialty dish and created a meal experience for the chefs.  The chef/owner of Chez Llama offered me a job in his restaurant immediately following the tasting!  I was so excited.  I don’t think Mom and Dad were thrilled about me staying here and working rather than heading off to an actual culinary school in the city and getting a degree.   I don’t care though, honestly I think getting into a prestigious restaurant is where I’m really going to learn.

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What else can I tell you?  Mom’s been doing book signings over in NewCrest.  Her latest novel is flying off the shelves.  She’s thinking the publishers are going to send her on a book tour here before too much longer.  I know her career was slowed down by Carter coming along, but I know Mom and Dad are really happy.

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Speaking of Carter, he’s toddling around here getting into all sorts of trouble.  I’m sure it won’t be too much longer that he’ll be heading off to school and making friends too.  I hope he gives Mom and Dad an easier time than I did…but hey, lesson’s learned right?

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The End G02: 14

Coming Soon: G02: 15

Return to G02: 13

G02: 13 – Late Night Conversation

Caleb was sitting on the couch catching up on a few Netflix shows. He was nearly through the first season of Bloodlines and was excited to see the finale. His Mom didn’t like him watching these types of intense dramas but his Dad didn’t mind too much.

He heard soft footsteps padding up behind him, “Care if I join you?” a low pleasant voice asked.

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He turned and saw Beau walking toward him. He paused the TV and gestured toward the couch. Her baggy pajamas and thick sweatshirt didn’t match the pillow fight image but his heart still quickened at the site of her.

“No, sit down. Just nearing the end of this episode. Mind if I finish?”

She shook her head and sat at the other end of the couch and browsed on her phone for a bit while he finished the episode.

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As the credits rolled Caleb switched off the TV. “So, why aren’t you and Camryn, I don’t know, doing nails or makeup or something?” he asked with a laugh.

“You know that’s stereotypical right?” the dark haired girl smiled. “Besides we did that earlier,” she admitted with a laugh.

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He smiled at her, she had a low throaty laugh. He found it extremely distracting, and sexy. Definitely sexy.

“So what were you watching?” Beau asked with a small head nod toward the TV.

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“A Netflix original. It’s about a family that owns a bed and breakfast type resort on an island and a murder and drama. It’s really good. I only have two episodes left,” Caleb explained.

“Oh, I can go if you want to keep watching,” she offered starting to get up. “Camryn hit the sack already so I was a bit bored. I’m not really tired yet.”

“No, no, stay. I can finish another time,” He hoped he didn’t sound too desperate for her company.

“Ok,’ she sat back down  “So, I remember seeing you playing chess with Camryn when you’d come to visit her at New Life.  Are you any good?”

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“I am,” he stated it as a fact, not as if he were bragging. “Well, and Cam sucks,” he laughed. “I can see her next move three moves before she makes it.” ‘She noticed me when I was there with Camryn?’ he thought with interest.

“You must be pretty smart then huh?”

Caleb made a non-committal shrug. “I dunno. Not really. I just like chess and I get it.  I played a lot with my Dad when I was younger.”

Beau smiled and nodded.

“So, can I ask why you were at New Life?” Caleb slid a bit closer and looked at her hoping to not offend. From what Camryn had said, the patients left with very few secrets left anyway. He was hoping to understand Beau a bit more.

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“Same as most I suppose,” Beau began. “Eating too little, stress binging. Similar to Camryn’s story I guess. I suppose the difference for me was probably mine wasn’t stress and fear like Camryn’s. I had home issues. My Mom’s boyfriend was far too friendly and I began trying to control the one thing in my life that I could control. My food and exercise.”

“Aww man, that really sucks,” Caleb said with anger in his voice.

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“Yeah, my Mom threw him out when it all came out, but that was going on off and on for nearly a year before I finally got help. It was a rough time for sure,” Beau looked down. “Hey, you don’t mind if we change the subject do you? I mean,” she trailed off with a weak laugh.

“Yeah, I get it, you probably talked enough in therapy huh?”

The girl nodded.

Caleb’s fists clenched a few times thinking of some asshole with his hands on Beau. The thought literally made him see red for a moment.

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“So, what do you do for fun?” Beau asked seeing the tension in Caleb’s face.

“Oh, I play video games, toss the football around with my friend Jayce. I work at a landscaping company on weekends. But I guess that’s not fun,” he laughed feeling the tension leaving him.

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“What do you do?” ‘Not mentioning your good buddy Teagan I see,’ a small voice in his head piped up. He squashed that voice. He and Teagan were friends. That’s it.

“I love to visit the museum. I can spend hours just looking at the different paintings and sculptures. I want to be an artist.”

“Really? That’s cool,” he grasped for one of the only local artists names he knew. “I’m a fan of Debra Hurd. She has a painting at the Willow Creek museum that my Dad loves. It’s a keyboard. Like a piano, not like a computer keyboard,” he laughed.

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“Oh, I’m familiar with Hurd’s work. She’s lovely with her color choices. She really evokes a lot of emotion.”

Caleb nodded. He’d been to the museum a few times with his Mom and Camryn but it had been a while. ‘Quick,’ he thought, ‘Think of someone else…’

“And of course the classics like Van Gogh’s Starry Night and The Scream by Munch,” he felt sort of lame now just trying to rattle off artists like he knew something about them.

The Starry Night just looked like yellow circles in big blobs of blue paint. The Scream looked like something Carter would be able to draw in a few years. He didn’t really understand art at all, but wanted so much to have something in common with this exciting dark beauty.

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She nodded and her eyes took on a drifty far away look. “Yes, The Scream is one of my favorites actually. Supposedly it’s what Munch felt at sunset one evening while walking with friends. He has been quoted as saying he felt the ‘infinite scream of Nature‘.” she looked back at Caleb and smiled. “It’s cool that you know that painting.”

Caleb felt his ears turn a bit pink. Her passion for the classic painting was contagious and he felt a bit awkward about thinking just a moment ago that Carter could paint the Scream.

“So where do you see yourself going with Art?”  He slid back on the couch and stretched out a bit.

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“Well, I’m going to spend this Summer at Granite Falls. They have a kids camp program for art. It won’t pay well, but it will look great on my college applications.”

“Oh that’s great! Maybe I can visit you this summer if my folks feel like camping. I know my Mom has some old camping gear laying around in storage somewhere in this place.”

“Well, that would be fun for sure. I know I’d love to see Camryn and her whole family this summer.” Beau smiled at Caleb. He felt that same quickening of his pulse.

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The pair talked for several hours and Caleb didn’t remember feeling this same level of excitement before taking Teagan out on their train wreck of a date. Maybe this was the real thing?!

“Well, good night Caleb, it was great talking with you,” Beau covered a yawn with her hand. “I’m super tired suddenly.”

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“Yeah, g’night Beau. I’m glad we got to chat too.” he was sorry that she was tired. He felt he could talk to her all night. He looked at the clock on the wall. “Wow, it’s nearly 3 am!”

“I know! I’ve got to get some sleep!” she chuckled with her sexy laugh.

Caleb wanted to hug her but felt that would be weird. They really had just gotten to know each other a bit.

“Hey Caleb, is it weird that I want to hug you? I mean we really just met, even though not really.”

“I don’t think it’s weird!” he really hoped he sounded casual and cool and not as nervous and excited as he felt. Oh god, please don’t think of pillow fights… think of running, think of soccer, think of the Olympics, think of anything else.

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__________________

The End G02: 13

Continue to G02: 14

Return to G02: 12

G02: 12 – Things Keep Popping Up

Toast sprang from the toaster and Olivia buttered it while it was still hot.

“Morning Baby, did you and Teagan have fun at the concert last night?” Olivia asked when Caleb came into the kitchen for breakfast.

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“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it Mom.”

“Oh no! Did something go wrong?”

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“Yeah. No. Ugh, I just don’t want to talk about it.” Caleb grabbed one of the pieces of toast from Olivia’s plate and shoved half in his mouth in a single bite. He grabbed a granola bar and an apple and slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Bye Mom,” he said around his mouthful of toast.

“Bye Baby, have a good day.” Olivia frowned at her son’s back as he left to catch the bus.

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____________________

Caleb sat in class trying to think of something to do that could make up for the lousy concert. ‘Maybe I can take her to the movies or something,’ he thought. ‘Shoot, I don’t even know if I want to try again. Maybe I won’t even worry about her and just be frie…’

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“Mr. Delaney, care to solve for X?” Mrs. Parish asked breaking Caleb out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Sorry, what number?” Caleb fumbled around with his Algebra book.

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“Number 16A Caleb,” his teacher said with exaggerated patience. The look on her face said she was fully aware he hadn’t been paying attention.

Caleb hastily looked at the question and solved the problem in his notebook. “X = 15.”

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“That’s correct,” the teacher said with a small amount of surprise in her voice. “Very good, Now Jayce, can you take 16B please?”

Class continued around him, while Caleb continued to ponder his situation with Teagan.

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“Dad, is it ok if I invite Beau over Friday night?” Camryn asked when Sam got home that evening.

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Caleb’s ears perked up a bit while he leaned over his school work.

“I don’t mind hon, did you ask your Mom?”

“Not yet, I figured she wouldn’t care if you didn’t.”

“So I’m the ol’softy huh?” Sam chuckled at his daughter as he planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“What will you girls do anyway?” Sam asked.

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Caleb had seen Beau a few times when he visited Cam at the clinic. The girls had become good friends since they had been roommates during their treatment. He found her dark look very intriguing. His mind wandered a bit at Sam’s question. He could picture what the girls would be doing. He imagined the girl’s having a pillow fight.

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Beau was wearing black panties, her dark hair framing her face with those full dark lips, her breasts heaving just a bit from the exertion of the pillow fight, her skin was so pale and smooth…

He got up suddenly, his chair scraping loudly across the floor.

“What’s up son?” Sam looked concerned at Caleb’s sudden departure from the dining table.

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“Nothing,” he said trying to sound normal. “Just gonna go study in my room,” he said while walking quickly to his bedroom.

“But you forgot your homework!”

“I’ll get it later!”

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__________________

The End G02: 12

Continue to G02: 13

Return to G02: 11

G02: 11 – Seize Your Dreams?

“Hey Teagan! What’s up?” Caleb’s heart was pounding, but he was pretty sure he sounded cool and confident.

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“Hey handsome! Nothing, what’s up with you?”

“Not too much…so I was wondering,” he began casually, “that band you love is going to be playing over at the Rattlesnake tomorrow night. Interested?”

“Holy shit!! You’ve got to be joking! I heard they were going on tour, but I had no clue they would be coming here!  Are you sure?” Teagan gushed excitedly.

Caleb chuckled, this was going so much better than he’d even hoped. “Well, yeah, I saw a flyer and actually paid for two tickets online already. I figured you may want to go with me since you like them so much.  I thought if not, I could maybe ask Jayce or something.  If you’re not sure you want to go that’s fine,”  His heart was in his throat for a moment.

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“No! No! No! I’d love to go with you,” She sounded frantic. “I just wonder why it wasn’t on their website when I checked it out over the weekend, that’s all!”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s not really public since it’s pre-tour or something.” Caleb speculated. He was barely giving that any thought. He was so excited she’d said yes!

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“…get to see Lucas Rosebrook in person!  I’m dying!” Teagan was still talking excitedly. “I cannot wait to tell my friends on the fan site that I’m going to see Epileptic Lullaby!”

Caleb smiled. He was so glad he’d thought of this. “Ok  I’ll get my Dad’s car and pick you up tomorrow. Maybe we can grab a bite after the show?”

“Sure! See you tomorrow night!”

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____________________

Caleb’s palms were sweaty when he walked up to Teagan’s door before the concert. “Whoa! You look … Wow!” he did a double take when he saw her.

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She always looked so … Teagan.

“Well, hey yourself handsome,” Teagan smiled. “Oh my gosh! I cannot wait to see them. I hope they play that new song that Florian wrote for his Fiancé.”

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Caleb had no clue about the band’s songs. He just knew that Teagan couldn’t stop talking about them. Her fan girl gushing had been especially epic when the band had released their newest single on iTunes several weeks back.

“Oh! I checked the band’s website and there was no mention of them having a stop in the States. I wonder if because it’s just in that little dive here in Oasis Springs if it’s like you said and maybe a pre-tour gig. Ooooh! O. M. G. !  What if I got to meet them backstage after the show or something!” Teagan was practically buzzing with excitement.

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____________________

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“ID,” the bouncer at the door said gruffly. They each showed their student ID and got their yellow wrist band indicating no alcohol.  Teagan grabbed Caleb’s hand excitedly and practically dragged him inside the venue. She was already craning her neck to see if the band was warming up.

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“I hope I get to meet them!” Teagan said as the door closed behind them.

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flyer

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“Hey, don’t worry about it, I get it.” Teagan reassured Caleb for what was probably the 10th time since they had left the bar.

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“Well, Epileptic…Seize Your…Seizure?  Yeah, I didn’t realize it was a tribute band. Sorry Teagan.”

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“Listen, stop apologizing nerd! Like I said, one of these days I’ll get over to Europe if they don’t come here to the States before hand,” Teagan smiled gently, but obvious disappointment still showed on her face.

Caleb felt so awful. He’d totally blew it. Seize Your Dreams was a tribute band of Epileptic Lullaby. “I should have realized when you were talking about them gearing up to go on tour in Europe that if they did come here, they would have made a bigger deal about it.”

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“Yeah, they’d want to promote I bet to gather more of a US fan base I would guess,” she said thoughtfully. “Hey, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t worry about it. I can even see because of the similarities in the name …” she trailed off.

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“Well, thanks for letting me off the hook on this one Teagan. Hey yeah, for all I knew, Seize Your Dreams may have been their promotion company or something!” Caleb tried to find a way out of taking the blame for this huge error and disappointing Teagan so dreadfully.

“…and you know they weren’t that bad,” Teagan was rattling on. “If they decided to do their own originals I bet they could even become something themselves. Tribute bands always seemed like hacks to me. You have all this talent, why try to be someone else? ”

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Caleb nodded but didn’t comment. He hadn’t really even heard the music tonight. Once the band came on the small stage and Teagan realized that it was a cover band, her look of disappointment had just about crushed him.

“At least I have this picture with the band to remember the night by!” Teagan said glancing at the picture on her phone.

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The guitarist, John had grabbed her around the waist right as the picture was taken.

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Caleb couldn’t wait for this night to end. He had really messed this up. Thank goodness she hadn’t made any connection that this had been a trial date for the two of them. He was even able to laugh off paying for their meal as a way to make up for the concert.

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So much for dating Teagan,’ he he thought as they left the restaurant.  He was even more firmly in the friend zone after this debacle.

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__________________

A/N – Huge thank you to Citizenerased14 who let me borrow her sims from Ashes to Ashes for the Seize Your Dreams tribute band.  They are her sims Lucas, Florian, Mia and David.  In my story these characters are John (Lucas), Ben (Florian), Jacob (David), and Tina (Mia).  They are a tribute band for Epileptic Lullaby, Teagan’s favorite band!  Seize Your Dreams worked very hard to perfect copying Epileptic Lullaby’s image.  Unfortunately, Ben, the keyboard player couldn’t get his hair and clothing exactly like Florian’s! 🙂

The End G02: 11

Continue to G02: 12

Return to G02: 10

G02: 10 – For Me

So, I made it.  My in-patient time is up and I head home tomorrow.  Dr. Conrin wants me to continue weekly sessions with her for a few more months.  She wants me to keep up with my group therapy for even longer.  She suggested even as long as a year, longer if I want to continue.  I’m scared to be on my own…She assures me that the group therapy will help me as well as my experiences will help others that are currently where I was.  Paying it forward I guess.

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What if I fail? What if I cannot control myself?  What if I don’t stop? What if I backslide?  What if I start worrying about those models and how thin they are…

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DELETE

I’m supposed to stop thoughts like that immediately.  I’m not to compare myself to anyone else.  I’m also to attempt to stop downward spirals immediately.  I’m supposed to actually write the word DELETE when negative thoughts, self doubt or comparison thoughts enter my head.  I’m supposed to write it and say it out loud.  If I cannot write it or say it out loud, I’m supposed to picture the DELETE key on a keyboard and repeat DELETE mentally to override the negative thoughts.  It hasn’t been easy that’s for sure.

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I never realized how much I compare myself to others or how often I speak negatively about myself.  Dr. Conrin was constantly saying the word DELETE in our private sessions to make me aware of my habits.

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I’ve developed stronger relationships with my family through this too.  My mom has also gone to counseling to help her work through some of her guilt.  My Dad has been a rock, as always.  He just lets me know he loves me regardless.  He says we all make mistakes, do things we’re not proud of and in the end, all we can do is help support the person through the rough times.  That’s what he always does.

My Uncle Dean came to visit a few times too.  I was so glad to see him.

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We didn’t do much other than a bit of chatting and we watched a soccer match while he was here.  That’s all we need though.  We have so much fun together.  It was so nice to just feel…normal.

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Zoe came by too.  She came a few times in the beginning and just again a week ago.  I guess I’m not mad anymore that she was the one who told my parents.  I wouldn’t even look at her when she tried to come the first few weeks.

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She told me she wasn’t sorry.  My life was more important to her and I could be mad at her forever and she’d do it again the same way every time.  I’m still mad that we had to go through all of this because of her and her meddl …

DELETE

Caleb came by to visit a few times too.  Separate from the family counseling I mean.  He was a bit weird and distracted, but the gesture of visiting was nice.

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We played some chess.  Smarty beat me.  As usual.  He dropped off a few books.  He said Teagan lent them to him so not to you know, barf on them or anything.  Brat.  At least he was the only one that treated me almost normal.  Some things don’t change and weirdly my brother being a brat was comforting.

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This past month, in addition to all of my different therapy sessions and scheduled, moderate amounts of time in the fitness center.  (Can you believe I’ve actually started taking two days a week as rest days)  I’ve also attended nutrition classes with one of the girls here, her name is Beau and she’s been a great friend.

Oh! And this is exciting too! After I leave here, I’ve been signed up to start cooking classes to relearn how to apply the new nutrition information, healthy portions and reasonable macro nutrient content that I’ve learned here and how to put it together to create meals!  Dr. Conrin knows how much I love to cook so she arranged these classes for me.

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The brochure makes the cooking classes sound like they could be fun.  I have always loved cooking and showing my love for people through the food I make for them.  I’m not supposed to think of food as love anymore.  Or comfort.  Or most importantly: The Enemy.  Maybe I can start just thinking of it as fuel …  that’s my goal anyway.

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While I suppose I’ll never be cured per say, apparently this is a mental illness on top of a physical disorder. (not that I’m labeling…)  Dr. Conrin assures me that that recovery is possible and I can go about my normal life.  I just need to trust her, trust the process and most importantly trust myself and that I want to do this.  For me.

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The End G02: 10

Continue to G02: 11

Return to G02: 09


A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is wholly a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

G02: 09 – Making Progress

“So, Conrin wants me to start thinking about all the ways I feel I’m judged by myself, other’s, my peers, pretty much everyone I have contact with,” Camryn said as Beau walked in their room after getting ready for bed.

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“Yeah, hmmm, pretty much everyone judges me. They see my black and blue hair, my dark makeup and pale skin. I’m instantly labeled goth and I must of course be either emo or suicidal. Which I’m neither by the way. I just like this look. It suits my mood most of the time. I’m comfortable this way, whether people stare or not.”

“I get that, I hate to admit it, but that first week, I judged you. I judged everyone here. I still judge Sasha.” The girls laughed together.

“How could you not?” Beau asked with hands on hips in an imitation of Sasha’s typical attitude.

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“So, I’m done here in three days,” Beau smiled.

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“I’ll miss you. I wonder if I’ll get a new roommate or if they’ll let me just go my final 15 days alone. Not that I’m counting or anything.” Camryn smiled back at her friend.

“Are you scared to leave?” Beau asked quietly.

“Yes. I know I messed up. I know that I put my family through a lot and they paid a lot for this clinic for me. I also did a number on myself. I’m scared,” Camryn said softly.

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“Me too,” Beau nodded.

“Conrin says we can do it though. And we are still supposed to attend group sessions to help us through.”

“Yeah, so I’ll be seeing you at least a few times a week until you’re out too.”

The girls hugged one another tightly.

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“So, you think you may want to try the yoga class tomorrow after school?” Beau asked to lighten the mood.  “You said you may want to try it before you leave,” Beau reminded Camryn.

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“I don’t know, it just sorta seems lame. I hate to say that ’cause I know how much you like it,” Camryn explained. “Do you even sweat?”

“Hell yeah you sweat! Also the first several times you do yoga you’ll be so sore the next day you’ll think you did a kettlebell work out!”

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“Really? You’re kidding,”

“No, for real. Try it, you’ll be surprised.”

“Ok then. I guess I’ll do it,” Camryn said flatly.

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“Well, that’s the spirit.”

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~~~~

Camryn went down breakfast the morning after she and Beau did the yoga class.  She winced as she took her plate to the table she usually shared with Beau and Marcus.

“What’s up Cam?” Marcus looked concerned.

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“Ugh, Beau tried to kill me yesterday after school. She made me try yoga since she’s leaving tomorrow. I think she thought she could get away with the murder of her roommate if she left quick enough,” Camryn grimaced as she sat down.

“So Beau’s free tomorrow huh?”

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“Apparently. I’m hoping I don’t have to get to know another roommate.”

“So what are you doing this afternoon? I think there is a Walking Dead marathon. We could binge it if you want.” Marcus grimaced. “Oh shit!  I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry Camryn.”

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Camryn laughed, “Oh my gosh, as if the last two and a half months haven’t taught us not to be afraid of words. I’d love to binge watch the Walking Dead marathon with you Marcus.”

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Camryn glanced down at her plate and realized for the first time she hadn’t counted the calories on her plate before putting her fork in her mouth.

Making progress,’ she thought. She glanced at Marcus noticing the strong line of his jaw and his broad shoulders. Today though she wondered if she saw a little something extra in his glance.

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The End G02: 09

Continue to G02: 10

Return to G02: 08

A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

G02: 08 – This Last Month

So Dr. Conrin suggested I write down all the things I’ve learned or noticed about myself or my time here so far.

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This last month, I have learned that as hard as it is, I am supposed to realize that I need food to survive.  Duh!!  I need to eat certain amounts of food at regular intervals.  We also have sessions immediately following meals so we are surrounded by others.  No opportunity to purge immediately following a meal.

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Though I didn’t purge often really.  That was only very rarely.   I was more along the lines of a  restrictive eater, (oops, labels!!) I had my safe foods and I didn’t eat much else.  So my challenge is eating all the required variety of foods and the required amounts.  Not so much refraining from purging.

This last month I’ve also learned that while exercise is an important part of my over all health, I shouldn’t be exercising for multiple hours every day.  duh, looking back now, I knew I was probably exercising too much.

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This last month I’ve put on 5 lbs in this last 30 days and people are acting like I’m a fucking miracle child.  But the weighing, the measuring, the counting, the metrics…I swear, it continues.

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They just don’t tell me anything other than milestones and never more than once a week do i review the report with Dr. Conrin.  I’m learning that I’m supposed to have an overall picture of my health, not a microscopic view as she calls it.  I’ve admitted to Dr. Conrin that I still count the calories I eat in my head.  It’s so hard not to after doing it for nearly two years of every single time I put something in my mouth.

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She has assured me that is completely normal and not something that will go away immediately.  She has asked me to start trying to talk to more people during meals though rather than being focused on the food.  If I’m chatting and getting to know people I cannot be paying as much attention to every bite and cataloging every calorie right?  I guess.  I am trying.

This last month has been a blur of therapy, workouts, nutrition and more therapy.  Every week I attend lots of different types of therapy sessions.

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Individual session, group session, family sessions.  My parents and even my brother Caleb have attended the family counseling with me as well.  My mom blames herself.  I feel terrible about that.

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Dr. Conrin keeps telling me that I cannot be responsible for how other’s feel though.  I can only be responsible for how I feel.  So even though my Mom blames herself because of what I am putting her and the family through, I’m not supposed to feel guilty about that.  This has been one of the hardest things for me.  It’s so hard for me not to feel bad about what my family is going through because I. Caused. This.

This last month the individual therapy sessions have been hard, but the group sessions have been even harder for me.

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I’m not used to expressing all of these feelings.  I’m more like my Uncle Dean.  We hang out, we laugh, we watch sports, we don’t talk about the ‘feels’.  Telling all these people how I’m feeling and why I’m doing what I’m doing is so hard.

This last month I’ve been working out.  I can workout, however, I’m not allowed to work out like three hours straight anymore.  I’m actually not even allowed in the fitness center more than once per day in a monitored environment for maximum of 40 mins.

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I’m also encouraged to take rest days between work outs.  Ummm hello, I can barely work up a sweat in 40 mins.  I’m not taking rest days that’s for sure.  And…that 40 minutes we’re allowed?  It’s really only 30 of actual exercise!

The first 5 mins have to be a warm up and at the 35 min mark I have to begin a cool down.  I’m also monitored to make sure both warm up and cool down are no more than a fast walk on the treadmill or stretching only.

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This last month I did try this meditation class a few times that they teach here .  One of the guys here, Marcus, recommended it.   My mind tends to race and those times when I’ve been meditating, and in the stillness when we aren’t supposed to think of anything … my mind was at peace.  For a few minutes anyway.

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I may give the yoga class a try next.  It’s supposed to provide alternatives to cardio workouts for stress relief and wellness.  I’ve seen people doing it and it looks like something I could do.

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Maybe next month…

The End G02: 08

Continue to G02: 09

Return to G02: 07

A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

G02: 07 – Friends

Camryn’s doctor recommended in our family counseling session that we all start keeping a journal.

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I’m not really sure why, but Dr. Conrin said it may help me figure some things out and help with emotions that I may not know how to handle. What the heck, what can it hurt right?

So, even though the family is going through some major drama right now, is it wrong of me to not really want to write about Camryn? I mean the whole family is wrapped up in what’s going on with her. I may write a bit about Cam, but if this journal is supposed to be for me…I don’t think she needs to be the focus. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and she’s going through something major right now, but it’s her stuff, not mine. Right?

After our most recent family counseling session with Dr. Conrin, (we have two a week, one with Cam and one with just me, Mom and Dad) I met Teagan at the park.

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She’s been great through this. It reminds me of when her Mom & Dad were divorcing last year. We met almost every day then too. She’s such a great friend.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if there were between us than just friends.  If I hold her hand, or hug her I start to think about how it would be if she were my girlfriend.

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But I don’t know, Girlfriend seems like such a big step. Not that I have a ton of girls knocking down my door to date, but it just really limits any other options to take that step. Plus, she probably doesn’t seem to want to date anyway. The way she acts around me is almost like she would with a brother.

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We’re best friends. But other than the occasional hug or hand holding, She’s never really tried to make any moves or anything that would indicate she wanted more.

That band Teagan likes is coming into town next month. I should see if she wants to go.  I could pay for the tickets and everything. My weekend landscaping job is working out pretty well and I could afford to pay. Perhaps like a trial date for us and see what happens. I can laugh it off as a friends thing if it gets weird.

Ah well, like I said, I don’t know I’m ready to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship anyway, we’re friends, we have fun together.

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What more could I ask for?

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I think I’m going to go visit Camryn a bit more often. Uncle Dean has been to see her and he’s mentioned to Dad just how much it cheered Cam up that he dropped by. Maybe I’ll go in and beat her at chess a time or two. Maybe I’ll let her win one though, that could really cheer her up.

School’s kinda sucked lately. I didn’t feel like running all the laps during gym,  we were doing a fitness eval, but I ducked out behind the bleachers and fell asleep. Mr. Hart wasn’t happy about that when he caught me. He sent a slip home for my parents to sign.

peletter

I may just sign it and return it, but I’d hate for it to be brought up at P/T conferences. I’ll talk to Teagan about it. I know I shouldn’t sign it, but I just don’t feel like adding to the stress load for Mom and Dad right now. With Cam in the clinic, they have so much going on what with taking care of Carter and everything else with their jobs etc, I just don’t want to add Mr. Hart’s power trip on top of it all for them. I get plenty of exercise with my landscaping job over the weekends.

Anyway, I should probably get some homework done. Caleb Delaney out.  (Yeah, that was dumb…)

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The End G02: 07

Continue to G02: 08

Return to G02: 06

G02: 06 – Voluntary

So…I’m not sure exactly how to start this.  I’m supposed to begin keeping a journal as a way to better understand my feelings, my triggers and my behaviors.

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I’m supposed to review the journal with my therapist at each individual session.  I’m supposed to be honest.  Should I begin like I’ve read they do at AA meetings?

Hi, I’m Camryn and I have an eating disorder.  Oh wait, my therapist, Dr. Conrin, says I’m not supposed to put labels on myself or anything related to my current problems.  Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa…addiction to Simtermine.

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Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…Yeah, that’s all me.  But I’m not supposed to go around labeling myself.  I’m just calling it what it is.  What?  Am I supposed to just ignore everything and pretend that I’m not in a fucking mental hospital with crazy people and apparently I’m crazy too.  Shit has to have a name right?

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So..yeah, with my parents making me suggesting it, I voluntarily checked into a clinic for mental illness specializing in eating disorders for the next 90 days.

So, I’m almost 17.  My birthday is in a few months and I guess I’ll be celebrating it in here. (If I don’t leave first…) So for about the last two years year to maybe 18 months or so, I have been obsessed a bit anxious about my body weight, my shape and living with the constant terror concern of gaining weight.  I may have exercised a lot, but I am no where near as bad as some of the people in here!

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The group therapy is awful, some of the things these people say.  I was never that bad.  I never saved my vomit in jars!  I never punctured the back of my throat with a toothbrush!  I never stole from anyone to buy simtermine.  Well, there was that one time Dad gave me his credit card to buy new makeup and I took some of the makeup back to get the cash…And there was another time Mom gave me some extra money … but she gave that money to me!  I didn’t steal the money.  I didn’t want to go on that stupid ass class trip anyway!

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I never lied to my parents about where I was or where I was going. it was my own personal fucking business that I cut back my hours at the diner!  Besides, they didn’t specifically ask when I was working and I didn’t volunteer the information.  I’m practically an adult and they didn’t need to know!

It’s so ridiculous that I’m supposed to not be hung up about my weight and yet I have regular weigh ins and measurements.  Also I found out quickly that all the food on my meal plate was weighed and measured and any food left on the plate was recorded.

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The first few meals when I got here, I tried not eating everything and just sticking to my safe foods.  There are no fucking trash cans in the dining room!  There was nowhere to put the food I didn’t eat.  I had to give the plate back with any remaining food left on it to the staff in the dining room.

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I swear, as much as they weigh, measure and monitor me, it’s almost like it wasn’t that different than what I was doing by myself.  I recorded every bite that went into my mouth, (other than the binges. Those went unrecorded as they didn’t stay down.)  I recorded every bit of exercise I did, personal bests, new records (Hell Yeah!), weight lifted, miles run, etc.  The biggest difference is when I was doing it, I kept it private.  Now my therapist, the nurses, my parents, my brother, the janitor, the mayor, probably the fucking president all know. Apparently I’m not supposed to continue recording.  I’ve been eased of that burden they tell me.  They are tracking for me so I don’t have to.  I’m still mentally totaling the calories. So yeah, fuck you.

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So yeah, this is voluntary.  I may not stay.  I’m not sure I need to be here.  Dr. Conrin and a few of the people here seem cool though, I’ll give it a bit longer.  Maybe a week.

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The End G02: 06

Continue to G02: 07

Return to G02: 05


A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

Clinic was downloaded from the Gallery – I customized parts of it to make it more of a in-patient treatment center.  Lot is the Life Line Clinic by chris-100-hogg.