So…I’m not sure exactly how to start this. I’m supposed to begin keeping a journal as a way to better understand my feelings, my triggers and my behaviors.
I’m supposed to review the journal with my therapist at each individual session. I’m supposed to be honest. Should I begin like I’ve read they do at AA meetings?
Hi, I’m Camryn and I have an eating disorder. Oh wait, my therapist, Dr. Conrin, says I’m not supposed to put labels on myself or anything related to my current problems. Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa…addiction to Simtermine.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…Yeah, that’s all me. But I’m not supposed to go around labeling myself. I’m just calling it what it is. What? Am I supposed to just ignore everything and pretend that I’m not in a fucking mental hospital with crazy people and apparently I’m crazy too. Shit has to have a name right?
So..yeah, with my parents
making me suggesting it, I voluntarily checked into a clinic for mental illness specializing in eating disorders for the next 90 days.
So, I’m almost 17. My birthday is in a few months and I guess I’ll be celebrating it in here. (If I don’t leave first…) So for about the last
two years year to maybe 18 months or so, I have been obsessed a bit anxious about my body weight, my shape and living with the constant terror concern of gaining weight. I may have exercised a lot, but I am no where near as bad as some of the people in here!
The group therapy is awful, some of the things these people say. I was never that bad. I never saved my vomit in jars! I never punctured the back of my throat with a toothbrush! I never stole from anyone to buy simtermine.
Well, there was that one time Dad gave me his credit card to buy new makeup and I took some of the makeup back to get the cash…And there was another time Mom gave me some extra money … but she gave that money to me! I didn’t steal the money. I didn’t want to go on that stupid ass class trip anyway!
I never lied to my parents about where I was or where I was going.
it was my own personal fucking business that I cut back my hours at the diner! Besides, they didn’t specifically ask when I was working and I didn’t volunteer the information. I’m practically an adult and they didn’t need to know!
It’s so ridiculous that I’m supposed to not be hung up about my weight and yet I have regular weigh ins and measurements. Also I found out quickly that all the food on my meal plate was weighed and measured and any food left on the plate was recorded.
The first few meals when I got here, I tried not eating everything and just sticking to my safe foods. There are no fucking trash cans in the dining room! There was nowhere to put the food I didn’t eat. I had to give the plate back with any remaining food left on it to the staff in the dining room.
I swear, as much as they weigh, measure and monitor me, it’s almost like it wasn’t that different than what I was doing by myself. I recorded every bite that went into my mouth, (other than the binges. Those went unrecorded as they didn’t stay down.) I recorded every bit of exercise I did, personal bests, new records (Hell Yeah!), weight lifted, miles run, etc. The biggest difference is when I was doing it, I kept it private. Now my therapist, the nurses, my parents, my brother, the janitor, the mayor, probably the fucking president all know. Apparently I’m not supposed to continue recording. I’ve been eased of that burden they tell me. They are tracking for me so I don’t have to. I’m still mentally totaling the calories.
So yeah, fuck you.
So yeah, this is voluntary. I may not stay. I’m not sure I need to be here. Dr. Conrin and a few of the people here seem cool though, I’ll give it a bit longer. Maybe a week.
The End G02: 06
A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor. This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one. Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous. If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237. Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org
Clinic was downloaded from the Gallery – I customized parts of it to make it more of a in-patient treatment center. Lot is the Life Line Clinic by chris-100-hogg.