G02: 06 – Voluntary

So…I’m not sure exactly how to start this.  I’m supposed to begin keeping a journal as a way to better understand my feelings, my triggers and my behaviors.

08-20-16_3-38-03 PM

I’m supposed to review the journal with my therapist at each individual session.  I’m supposed to be honest.  Should I begin like I’ve read they do at AA meetings?

Hi, I’m Camryn and I have an eating disorder.  Oh wait, my therapist, Dr. Conrin, says I’m not supposed to put labels on myself or anything related to my current problems.  Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa…addiction to Simtermine.

08-20-16_4-19-00 PM

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…Yeah, that’s all me.  But I’m not supposed to go around labeling myself.  I’m just calling it what it is.  What?  Am I supposed to just ignore everything and pretend that I’m not in a fucking mental hospital with crazy people and apparently I’m crazy too.  Shit has to have a name right?

08-20-16_4-13-22 PM

So..yeah, with my parents making me suggesting it, I voluntarily checked into a clinic for mental illness specializing in eating disorders for the next 90 days.

So, I’m almost 17.  My birthday is in a few months and I guess I’ll be celebrating it in here. (If I don’t leave first…) So for about the last two years year to maybe 18 months or so, I have been obsessed a bit anxious about my body weight, my shape and living with the constant terror concern of gaining weight.  I may have exercised a lot, but I am no where near as bad as some of the people in here!

08-11-16_9-00-44 PM

The group therapy is awful, some of the things these people say.  I was never that bad.  I never saved my vomit in jars!  I never punctured the back of my throat with a toothbrush!  I never stole from anyone to buy simtermine.  Well, there was that one time Dad gave me his credit card to buy new makeup and I took some of the makeup back to get the cash…And there was another time Mom gave me some extra money … but she gave that money to me!  I didn’t steal the money.  I didn’t want to go on that stupid ass class trip anyway!

08-20-16_3-47-27 PM

I never lied to my parents about where I was or where I was going. it was my own personal fucking business that I cut back my hours at the diner!  Besides, they didn’t specifically ask when I was working and I didn’t volunteer the information.  I’m practically an adult and they didn’t need to know!

It’s so ridiculous that I’m supposed to not be hung up about my weight and yet I have regular weigh ins and measurements.  Also I found out quickly that all the food on my meal plate was weighed and measured and any food left on the plate was recorded.

08-20-16_4-36-06 PM

The first few meals when I got here, I tried not eating everything and just sticking to my safe foods.  There are no fucking trash cans in the dining room!  There was nowhere to put the food I didn’t eat.  I had to give the plate back with any remaining food left on it to the staff in the dining room.

08-20-16_4-40-29 PM

I swear, as much as they weigh, measure and monitor me, it’s almost like it wasn’t that different than what I was doing by myself.  I recorded every bite that went into my mouth, (other than the binges. Those went unrecorded as they didn’t stay down.)  I recorded every bit of exercise I did, personal bests, new records (Hell Yeah!), weight lifted, miles run, etc.  The biggest difference is when I was doing it, I kept it private.  Now my therapist, the nurses, my parents, my brother, the janitor, the mayor, probably the fucking president all know. Apparently I’m not supposed to continue recording.  I’ve been eased of that burden they tell me.  They are tracking for me so I don’t have to.  I’m still mentally totaling the calories. So yeah, fuck you.

08-20-16_4-21-07 PM

So yeah, this is voluntary.  I may not stay.  I’m not sure I need to be here.  Dr. Conrin and a few of the people here seem cool though, I’ll give it a bit longer.  Maybe a week.

08-20-16_4-45-57 PM

The End G02: 06

Continue to G02: 07

Return to G02: 05


A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

Clinic was downloaded from the Gallery – I customized parts of it to make it more of a in-patient treatment center.  Lot is the Life Line Clinic by chris-100-hogg.

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G02: 05 – Worried

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The end G02: 05

Continue to G02: 06

Return to G02: 04

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

Clinic was downloaded from the Gallery – I customized parts of it to make it more of a in-patient treatment center.  Lot is the Life Line Clinic by chris-100-hogg.

G02: 04 – Really Need a Friend

“Where are you going son?” Sam asked as Caleb approached the door.

“Just for a walk Dad.”

“Don’t be late, Sim Ninja Warriors city finals are on tonight!”  Sam said with a bit of a distracted air about him.

08-14-16_4-06-36 PM

Caleb figured his Mom had already told his Dad about Camryn.  “Sure Dad,” Caleb tried to fake a bit of enthusiasm.  He could hear his mom pacing in her bedroom soothing Carter as she walked.

Caleb walked to the park and across to a bench where a girl was already sitting.

08-11-16_10-08-08 PM

“Hey cutie,” she smiled playfully as he sat next to her.

08-11-16_10-11-00 PM

“Hey Teagan,” Caleb mumbled a bit.  She was always joking around calling him handsome or cutie.  She was so fun and they’d become good friends in the few years she’d lived here.  She was always there when he needed to talk.  He was there for her too.  She’d had a hard time last year when her Dad and Mom split up.  He’d been there almost every evening for her during that time.  They joked this was their worry bench.

“Dude, what is going on?  You are really down huh?” she stopped joking and looked genuinely concerned.

08-11-16_10-19-59 PM

“My Aunt…well, I guess not technically my Aunt, but my Mom’s long time friend…”

“Caleb, spit it out, I don’t need to know who’s married to who’s second cousin family tree bullshit.” she laughed.

08-11-16_10-10-32 PM

“Ok, well, my Mom’s best friend came by and well, I shouldn’t have been listening but I was curious since Zoe never comes to our house.  Like ever.  Mom always goes over to her place, or they meet out.  So it had to be serious for her to stop by.”

Teagan nodded and pulled Caleb close in an awkward one armed hug for comfort.  He momentarily noted how nice it felt with her arm around him.

08-11-16_10-16-21 PM

Caleb proceeded to tell Teagan everything that he’d heard in the conversation at his house.

“Simtermine?  You sure about that?” Teagan looked shocked.

“Yeah, why?  Heard of it?”

“Yeah, I know someone at school who knows someone who sells it.  Bad news that drug.  I think it makes you have a bunch of energy.  Could be how she’s working out for hours at a time.  I think it’s supposed to like, get you hooked or something too.”

08-11-16_10-24-05 PM

“Oh god…what are we going to do?” Caleb sounded so helpless.  “My sister is kinda cool you know?  Not that I’d ever actually tell her that.  But she is cool.  She likes sports, she’s a great cook…” he trailed off.

Teagan stood up and pulled him into a hug.

08-11-16_10-26-22 PM

“She’s lucky to have a brother who cares so much.  Your mom and dad will talk to her.  They’ll know what to do.”

“Thanks Teagan, I better go, I’ll see you at school.”

“Yep, see ya Cutie.  Don’t forget that algebra test tomorrow.”

08-11-16_10-28-37 PM

“Shit, forgot about that!  Thanks for the reminder.  You’re such a good friend.”

08-11-16_10-34-29 PM

“Sure, sure, anytime buddy,” Teagan said and smiled brightly, until he turned and walked away.

08-11-16_10-31-59 PM

Caleb was thinking about Camryn and her problem as he walked back home, but he couldn’t help but remember how nice Teagan smelled or how warm she was as she hugged him.

08-11-16_10-40-12 PM

The End G02: 04

Continue to G02: 05

Return to G02: 03

G02: 03 – We Need to Talk

Author’s Important Note: As the warning on the front of this blog said, the legacy takes a sharp turn from this point forward.  Camryn is going through a very serious issue right now and I want any readers that are sensitive to mature issues to be fairly warned.  The Legacy from this point forward will be NC-17 (please be over the age of 17.)

________________________

Caleb came in the house from school and heard the baby screaming in his bassinet.  He walked into his parents bedroom and could smell the mess from the door.

08-10-16_8-47-39 PM

“Ugh!  Don’t people know how to take care of kids in this house?”

“Ok little man.  Big brother’s here.”  Caleb coo’d to the baby.  He quickly changed the diaper and plopped the soiled one into the diaper genie.  “Gross, gotta hand it to you Carter, you really do know how to make a mess.”

08-10-16_8-40-26 PM

Caleb picked up his brother and rocked him a bit.  “So where are Mom and Dad Carts?” he asked the baby.

08-10-16_8-42-28 PM

“Coming! Coming…” Olivia burst in the room.  “Oh, sweetie, thank you so much.  I was just finishing up in the shower.  Thought the little man would give me at least 30 mins to myself.” She came over and gently took Carter from his brother and kissed Caleb on the cheek, “How was school Baby?”

08-10-16_8-53-16 PM

“Mom! I’m 13 now.  I’m hardly a baby!” Caleb scowled.

“You’ll always be my baby though,” Olivia smiled then coo’d at Carter, “You too…you too mommy’s little baby…”

08-10-16_9-06-58 PM

Carter coo’d and gurgled as Olivia set him back in his bassinet.

“Jeez Mom,” Caleb laughed.

“What?” Olivia laughed back, “I said the same too you when you were Carter’s age!”

08-10-16_9-09-16 PM

“That’s why I’ve turned out like this huh?”

Olivia playfully punched her son on the arm.  “Get to homework Mister.”

Caleb scowled again.  “Ugh.  Homework was so much easier in grade school.”

08-10-16_9-11-17 PM

“Your father isn’t going to be happy about this, but I think we’re going to have to get the contractors out here again, perhaps we can expand the upstairs a bit. I know Camryn would like her own bathroom and Carter here is going to need a room of his own.”

“Yes, room of his own,” Caleb agreed walking out the door to start his homework.  “Not rooming with me.  I got my room all decked out like I like it!”

08-10-16_9-03-35 PM

Sports posters and Rockers adorned her older son’s walls.

“Mom!” called from the living room.  “Aunt Zoe just pulled up!”

08-10-16_9-02-11 PM

“‘Liv, we have to talk,” Zoe didn’t even say hello as she walked in the house.

08-10-16_9-15-41 PM

“Sure Zoe,” Olivia gave Caleb a look and a quick jerk of her head.  Zoe never came by the house anymore so if she was here it must be pretty serious.

“Goin…goin…” Caleb mumbled was he trudged off to his bedroom.  He closed the door but didn’t latch it all the way and pulled it open slightly to see if he could hear.

“‘Liv, I’m very worried about Camryn,” Zoe began dramatically.

08-20-16_12-23-44 AM

“What Zoe?  Just spit it out.  What’s going on?” Olivia looked around as if she could see the problem in the room.

08-20-16_12-27-12 AM

“Camryn has been spending far too much time at the gym.  She’s there for hours at a time every day.  Worse, she’s lost far too much weight in a short time too.  Before school, after school, hours on the weekends.  I’m worried it’s becoming an obsession with her.”

“What?  No, that’s impossible.  She’s been picking up shifts at the restaurant.”

07-24-16_8-12-58 PM

“Uhh, no ‘Liv,” Zoe said gently.  “That’s just what she’s telling you guys.  I wouldn’t even be surprised if she cut her hours at the restaurant.  She cannot possibly be working the shifts she was and have time at the gym as she does.  She’s constantly on the treadmill, boxing, or weight lifting.  She’s been hiding it, but I can see she’s getting dangerously thin.”

08-11-16_9-00-44 PM

“What are you saying Zoe?  That Camryn’s anorexic or something?”

“Something.  Yes.  It’s possible she’s bulimic.  But sometimes they go hand in hand.  The person may eat very little, then when they get to the breaking point, where they cannot take it anymore, they may binge and then purge over the guilt.”

07-31-16_2-19-07 PM

“Liv,” Zoe looked at her hands. “There’s something else.  It’s also possible she’s using that weight loss drug, Simtermine.  All the fitness coaches had to attend a mandatory seminar on it a month ago.  Apparently there has been a rash increase in use in this area.   It increases energy and decreases appetite, however it can be really bad for the heart.  There are even cases of people having heart attacks after taking it for an extended period.”

Olivia shook her head, “What makes you think Cam is taking this drug?”

“Well, I found an empty pill bottle inside one of the lockers she uses at the gym after she’d left the other night.”

08-11-16_9-04-38 PM

“It’s that bottle and her secretive behavior that made me come talk to you.  Obviously that bottle may not have been hers, but her dramatic weight loss is worrying me.”

“Oh my god Zoe!” Olivia scrubbed her face with both hands.

08-20-16_12-31-56 AM

Olivia took a deep breath.  “One thing at a time.  I have to get Camryn to a doctor and find out what’s going on.  I feel like such a horrible parent not noticing these changes in my little girl.”

“Well, she has been hiding it well,” Zoe patted Olivia’s hand comfortingly.  “She never undresses in the locker room anymore.  She takes her towel and everything into the shower stall and undresses there.”

08-11-16_9-09-00 PM

“She has been wearing such bulky clothes too,” Olivia said.  “I hate to admit, I’ve been so busy with work and the baby, I hadn’t noticed her weight loss.”

08-11-16_9-30-08 PM

“…and you know, I had noticed dishes a few times in her room hidden under the bed.  I was honestly irritated at her!  I’m so ashamed.  I thought she was just being lazy and snacking while staying up studying.  I wonder if she’s been binging and if that is part of this problem.”

08-11-16_9-21-50 PM

“It could be, sneaking food can be one of the signs, but every person is different.” Zoe said softly.  “You cannot blame yourself that’s not doing anyone any good.  You have to help her get help.  She’s not likely going to want the help either, but she needs to see a doctor and maybe a specialist.”

Caleb quietly shut the door and began to worry.  His sister may be in serious trouble.  Sure, they fought, but Aunt Zoe mentioned people having a heart attack!  What if something really bad happened to Cam?

08-10-16_9-22-13 PM

08-11-16_9-32-37 PM

iphonetext

The End G02: 03

Continue to – G02: 04

Return to G02: 02

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N – This chapter is fiction and I am not in ANY WAY a medical professional or counselor.  This story is completely a work of fiction and what works for Sim Characters may not work for you or a loved one.  Eating disorders of any kind are extremely serious and dangerous.  If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder please get help by calling the confidential helpline for National Eating Disorders at 1-800-931-2237.  Or visit the website at nationaleatingdisorders.org

G02: 02 – Secrets

“That’s good, now cross right, but keep your wrist straight,” Camryn’s trainer said.  “Good, ok, that’s it, hit the shower,” he smiled at her.  She was a good student.

07-31-16_12-51-09 PM

“I’ll run for a bit I think, sort of a cool down.” Camryn nodded toward the treadmill.

“Ok go ahead, but don’t overwork those muscles walk or slow jog only.  We did a lot earlier with the weights machines.  Cool down for 10 – 12 minutes.  No more.”

“Got it coach,” Camryn smiled.

07-31-16_12-56-35 PM

~~~~~~~~

Zoe caught up to Camryn as she got out of the shower and was getting dressed in the locker room.  “Good work out hon?”

“Yep, just changing and heading home Aunt Zoe.”

Zoe hugged Camryn.  “Want a lift home?”

07-31-16_1-13-45 PM

“Nah, I need to stop at the restaurant and pick up my paycheck.  I’ll just walk, it’s not far, I’ll get a lift home from one of the girls there.”

“Ok then, say hi to your Mom for me.  Tell her we’ll all go to the Spa again next weekend.”

07-31-16_1-07-37 PM

“Ok see you then!”  Camryn waved goodbye and headed out of the gym into the night air.

~~~~~~~~

“You have the cash?” A dark voice dressed all in black asked.

07-31-16_1-25-37 PM

“Yep, all here, you can count it.”

“Nah, I know where you go to school, and where you work for that matter,” The guy barked a laugh.  He took the money and handed a small pill bottle to Camryn.

“Thanks.”

Camryn opened the package and dry swallowed one of the tablets.  She closed her eyes a moment and let the feeling wash over her.  She felt alive and energized.

07-31-16_1-29-28 PM

She let out a short laugh and broke into a jog.  She felt incredible.

07-31-16_1-31-23 PM

~~~~~~~~

“Hi honey!” Olivia said as Camryn unlocked the door.  “How was work?”

07-31-16_1-37-04 PM

“Work?  Oh, fine,” Camryn answered hastily. “Hey, I’m going to shower and do some homework.  I still smell like fries.”

“Ok, love you.”

“Love you too Mom.  See you in the morning.”  Camryn made her way up to her room and sat down on the bed.

07-31-16_1-45-31 PM

The energized feeling was wearing off now after that run home.  She dragged herself up and got in the shower.  She caught her reflection in the mirror and quickly turned away.

07-31-16_1-47-11 PM

Later, she tried to concentrate a bit on her homework, but felt herself drifting off.  She was so exhausted.

~~~~~~~~

Later that night, after the family was all asleep, Camryn quietly made her way down the stairs to the kitchen and grabbed the pancakes from the platter in the fridge.

She took them all up to her room and sat with her eyes glazed over, almost trance like, she proceeded to eat them all in tiny almost ritual type bites.

07-31-16_2-00-30 PM

When she couldn’t stuff another bite in, she ran to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet.

07-31-16_2-19-07 PM

“You’re disgusting, you’re fat, you’re horrible, you have no self control.  You will never make it in life and no-one is ever going to want you,” she whispered angrily to her reflection.

07-31-16_2-03-30 PM

The End G02: 02

Continue to G02: 03

Return to G02: 01

G02: 01 – Breakfast

Camryn woke up to the sun streaming in her window. She sat on the edge of the bed and felt her muscles aching.

07-29-16_6-11-07 PM

“I guess I worked a bit too hard yesterday at the gym,” she thought. She dressed quickly for school and went down to the kitchen and began making breakfast for her family.

She loved to cook, it’s the only reason she worked slinging fries at that crappy restaurant. It was the one job where she could actually prepare food.  At least to a limited degree.

07-29-16_6-15-03 PM

She poured the pancakes into the pan and tried to create shapes for Caleb. He liked the ones with the ears most. She also added a few gummy bears to his.

07-29-16_6-14-33 PM

Then she added fresh strawberries from her mother’s garden to her Dad’s pancakes and added a small amount of grated carrot to her Mother’s.

Olivia was always bringing in more fruits and vegetables. Salads were often a meal in the Delaney house. Camryn much preferred comfort foods. Burgers, grilled sandwiches, mac & cheese. She always felt guilty after eating them though.

Camryn finished off the pancakes and set them on plates, stacking all the extras on a big serving platter.

“Mmmmm morning sweetie! They smell great!” Sam said as he sat down at the table. He smelled fresh from the shower and his hair was still damp near his collar.

07-29-16_6-17-29 PM

“Thanks Daddy,”

“Your mother will be right out, she’s having some trouble again with morning sickness today.”

“I hope she’s able to eat. I put carrots in again like she asked, her cravings are weird!”

Camryn smiled at Sam. Sam poured syrup over the pancakes and dug in mumbling something with his mouth full.

Caleb came bounding out of his room and threw himself into his chair. “Morning chubs!” he snickered.

07-29-16_6-23-25 PM

“Caleb Dean!” Sam shouted.

“Ugh, your so mean brat!” Camryn rolled her eyes.

“Apologize this instant and don’t ever let me catch you saying that again!” Sam’s neck and face were turning red.

“I’m sorry Camryn,” Caleb said looking at his plate.

“Sure sure…I’m used to it,” Camryn muttered and doled out the pancakes she’d made special for Caleb. He was always so hurtful to her. She didn’t understand why she bothered going out of her way to try making his favorite dishes.

“What’s going on?” Olivia asked when she finally came out of her bedroom.

07-29-16_6-29-27 PM

“We don’t need to repeat it, but Caleb was apologizing for being mean to Camryn.” Sam quickly explained.

Olivia sighed, “Caleb. We’ve talked about thinking about what you say before it comes out. What was it that I asked you to ask yourself?”

07-29-16_6-30-20 PM

Caleb’s eyes went up and to the left and he stuck his tongue out thinking. “You said, for me to ask myself, ‘Is this necessary? Is this kind?’ and if they both aren’t yes, I’m supposed to not say the thing.”

07-29-16_6-31-26 PM

“So, did you stop and think before you insulted your sister?” Sam asked?

“Nope, it just blurted out,” Caleb replied stuffing in a mouthful of pancake.

“Caleb, you are grounded the rest of this week,” Olivia stated, having lost her patience.

“Moooommmmaaaa!” Caleb whined. “This Friday is Jayce’s sleepover. All the kids will be there! We’re supposed to sleep in the yard in a tent and everything!”

07-29-16_6-33-23 PM

“Well, perhaps when you have to tell Jayce you cannot come, and hear about all the fun the boys had while you weren’t there, maybe that will teach you to be more nice when you speak.”

Caleb pushed his plate away in a huff and ran to get his backpack. The bus was honking.

07-29-16_6-34-10 PM

“Camryn! You didn’t eat honey!” Olivia called as Cam headed out the door.

07-29-16_6-44-25 PM

“I’ll eat at school,” Camryn called back. Olivia looked at the platter full of pancakes and wrapped them up and put them in the refrigerator.

07-29-16_6-46-23 PM

She noticed that the bowl of mac and cheese was missing that had been there last night after dinner.

The End G02: 01

Continue to G02: 02

Return to Generation 1: Chapter 21